After last week, in which the most anticipated thing in the series happened, things slowed down by a bit. We're definitely getting things set up for future conflict, and while there was a serious tease of revelations to come regarding R+L=J theories, we didn't get the answers we were hoping to get (though we did get to see a pretty badass fight-scene.)
Spoilers to follow.
Weirwood Tree:
This doesn't have a quick and easy name for a map, so that's what we're going with.
The Three-Eyed-Raven is showing Bran more memories. As of yet we still don't know exactly what the point of all this is for him (other than being a convenient instrument for exposition) but we got to see one of the fabled legends of Robert's Rebellion - the fight at the Tower of Joy.
After the Trident and the sacking of King's Landing, when the rebellion was basically over, Ned went looking for his sister and came to the Tower of Joy - a place I believe in the Reach, or possibly the Stormlands, just north of Dorne. He comes with six fellow fighters, including Howland Reed (Jojen and Meera's dad, still alive as far as we know.) There he finds two members of the Kingsguard, including Arthur Dayne, who is the most famous swordsman in Westeros and carries the sword Dawn, which brings with it the title of "The Sword of Morning."
Right there is a huge tin-foil-hat alert. Two members of the Kingsguard are stationed at the Tower of Joy to guard Lyanna, the woman that Rhaegar either kidnapped or maybe just ran off with, starting the rebellion. Lyanna's important - she's a Stark, after all - but she would not be considered an appropriate person to get a Kingsguard detail - there are only seven of them, and she got two.
So why would she get Kingsguard to protect her? The theory goes that Lyanna had a baby. She winds up dying in that tower in what is described as a "Bed of Blood," which could easily mean complications from childbirth (something that is probably pretty common in the medieval-like technological age of Westeros.)
Lyanna's last words are "promise me, Ned," which, if we're correct, could be that she is asking Ned to raise her child as his own, hiding his parentage from newly King Robert, who would see this child as not only a reminder of the loss of Lyanna but also as a threat to his legitimacy.
Plus, it has always seemed odd that a man of such strict honor as Ned Stark could have a bastard child. But what would be more honorable than raising your nephew and claiming him as a bastard at the expense of your own reputation?
And if Rhaegar did not kidnap and rape Lyanna, might they actually have been legally wed, thus making Jon not a bastard, but in fact Jon Targaryen, rightful king of Westeros?
Given that Jon has died, his Night's Watch vows no longer seem to apply (more on that later,) so this might be a really, really big deal.
But we don't find that out this week. We see Ned and Dayne's fight, which begins with Howland getting wounded and ends with Howland stabbing Dayne in the back of the neck before he can kill a disarmed Ned Stark. Reed and Stark wind up the only people out of nine to walk away from that fight.
Braavos:
Arya gets an 80s training montage, learning to fight while blind and ultimately getting a dose of the poison water - but somehow, either magic or some kind of neutralized chemical reaction, the water doesn't kill her and instead restores her sight. But officially speaking, she is now "No one." What does that mean for the Arya we know and love?
Mereen:
Primarily we find out that, surprise surprise, the Sons of the Harpy are being funded by the Masters of Astapor and Yunkai, along with other slavers in Volantis.
Varys gets a nice scene where he sort-of threatens and sort-of helps this woman get out of the city and away from the insurgents who she's been working for. He also gives her a freaking enormous bag of silver. Not sure where you got that kind of cash, Varys. Hope this info is worth it.
Vaes Dothrak:
Daenerys is brought before the Dosh Khaleen in a version of Vaes Dothrak that seems way dryer and more temporary than the one we saw in season one. The lead widow there knocks her down a peg or two, or at least thinks she has. Obviously, Daenerys is not going to just spend the rest of her life in the Dothraki Crone Council, and I suspect that there's going to be some dragonfire before all of this is over.
En Route to Horn Hill:
Sam's still on his way to Old Town to be a Maester, having not heard about Jon's death nor his subsequent resurrection. He is making a stop in Horn Hill, though, to drop off Gilly and Little Sam with his family (and his supreme asshole of a father, who I suspect is being played by Ian Mcshane.) Gilly's not crazy about this, but Sam doesn't have any connections in Old Town to help set Gilly up with a place to live. Also, somehow Gilly is fine on a ship while Sam is puking his guts out.
King's Landing:
Tommen is trying to assert his authority, but the High Sparrow simply takes this as an opportunity to see if he can start manipulating the young king.
Meanwhile, there's a lot of discussion of Robert Strong, who the characters are simply referring to as Ser Gregor - something that technically has not yet been confirmed in the books, but come on. The Small Council really wants to cut Cersei out of proceedings, especially Kevan, who is serving as Hand. Zombie Gregor makes absolutely everyone uncomfortable.
Also, Qyburn is now recruiting Varys' old "little birds," and seems to have performed some assassinations (likely through Gregor?) to secure the loyalty of some of these kids (an abusive dad, I think, was taken out.) I do think Cersei might be making the same mistake Ned made when he trusted Littlefinger to help him out - Qyburn's really the one taking power here, and it's not clear whether Cersei has any reason to trust the ex-Maester other than a belief in his loyalty (which, you know, no.)
Winterfell:
Alas, poor Shaggydog. Osha and Rickon make a startling return, unfortunately brought as a peace offering by the new Lord Umber to Ramsay Bolton. Sansa escaped only for the kid who people could easily argue as the rightful Lord of the North (technically that'd be Bran at this point, but they only just found out Rickon's still alive,) to fall into Ramsay's lap.
Now, is Ramsay just going to kill him? I hope not, but I also don't really see a reason for him not to. Indeed, Rickon threatens his legitimacy, but unlike Sansa cannot be married and thus given a place in his ideal power structure.
I do wonder if Umber is playing a long con here, though. As far as I know, most of the North has historically been pretty pro-Stark, and the Boltons have been the black sheep that everyone hated (for good reason - you know, with the Flayed Man sigil.) I have to wonder if the rather easy alliances with the Umbers and the Karstarks are just to make the battle for Winterfell that we're likely to see in episode nine that much higher-stakes or if there's some serious miscalculation that Ramsay is making here.
Castle Black:
Two major things happen here. One is that Jon's murderers are executed (I wonder how they decide between beheadings and hangings in the Night's Watch?) Alliser Thorne is unrepentant and Olly is wordless, but they all do the gallows jig, with their victim as the hangman.
But that's it for Jon. He's done with the Night's Watch. Given that he has literally died, I think he can make a solid case for his watch having ended, and even still, who's going to be the guy who beheads a guy who literally just came back to life (real life, not as a wight.)
There's definitely some set-up here for a big battle in the North. On one side, you have the Wildling army that is loyal to the Night's Watch Lord Commander who let them escape the Others and has now been resurrected, which has convinced many of them that he's a god. On the other, you have Ramsay, who are desperate to get any allies they can in a part of the world that probably still mostly sees him as a usurper (not only did Roose murder Robb to take the North, but Ramsay murdered Roose, which is not staying the secret that Ramsay might have hoped it would.)
I know the show is all about brutally undercutting expectations, but man would it be satisfying to see Jon Snow, back from the dead and killing the shit out of Ramsay. I just hope Rickon doesn't die and get flayed (or worse, in the other order) in the process.
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